You’re Not Good Enough

“You’re not good enough.”

I’d bet quite a bit of money most of you have said this phrase to yourself many, many times in life and felt these words on a daily basis. For many people, “not good enough” defines how they feel their entire life. For many people, not good enough is a lifestyle. It’s their mentality. It’s where they live. And man, is it a horrible place to shack up.

Not until I was thirty and in the middle of pretty intense therapy did I utter very brokenly to my therapist, “I just don’t feel good enough,” and she looked at me quietly and then very purposefully asked the question I had never asked myself: “good enough for who?”

That stopped me in my tracks. I had no answer at that moment, only deep surprise at how I had no clue who I wasn’t good enough for, or what that feeling was about. I had merely felt that way and believed it. All these years of not feeling “good enough” and I had never identified who I didn’t feel good enough for, or what “good” even meant, I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel worthy or acceptable, or who was making me feel that way – I had basically let that thought in and it steamrolled my life and I had laid down in victim hood and let it oppress me.

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH.” Since that turning-point day with my therapist, I was now thinking about this phrase and its power over me daily. Questioning it thoroughly and putting a spotlight on it. I began to realize that the person who judged me harshest was always always me – that the person selling me the lie of “not good enough” was good old ME. And it was time to change that. I began to discredit that message and work to stop saying it to myself – and when I did say it to myself, now I would reply to it instead of staying silent and accepting “not good enough.” I began to accept myself and give myself all the kindness, patience, grace, and forgiveness I could always give to other people but never myself.

Today, I’ve learned that my own approval of me is essential, and that I need to approve of myself as I am today, not of who I would want myself to be. This is love and loving to stay in the moment and accept of yourself. And remember: acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on being “better” or doing “more,” it means being okay with an off day – okay with mistakes – committed to always doing your best, but generous and affectionate in your thoughts to yourself when you’re not living up to your own standards. This new lifestyle worked for me. Instead of making me worse/lazier/entitled (as I always thought self-approval would do) I’ve got more confidence. More peace. More focus, and therefore, more drive and clarity of myself and the world. Love – real love – is empowering and builds up, always.

This won’t happen overnight – and if you’re like me it’s something you know you’ll be working on probably for the rest of your life. But being happier with yourself can start today. Good luck friends!

xoxo

River